Trouble in the mountain
by ISnortSugar
Summary: Random inspiration leads to random stories.


Me: I decided to put myself into the mountain as a vampire and cause some intense laughter

Me: I decided to put myself into the mountain as a vampire and cause some intense laughter.

Mer: You don't have to be a vampire to do that.

Emz: Yeah. You just need a mirror.

Me: Emz, one more word!

Emz: MIKA DO THE DISCLAIMER!

Mika: -sits upright in his coffin- Gaz does not own any of the Darren Shan Saga. –falls back, mumbles and continues to sleep-

I stood cheekily at the end of the tunnel leading to the hall of Princes, a string laden with objects strung around my neck and body, a bottle of whiskey hanging from my left hand. Oh this was going to be fun!

"Can I go up now?" I asked the guards standing on duty.

I was checked and admitted, then walked skipped down the tunnel. When I reached the end, after getting checked several times, I waited with the guard near the door and started telling him snippets of what I planned to do. He was smiling at some, looking at me sceptically for others.

"You can go in now." The guard said after a good thirty minutes of waiting and gave the 'Even in death may you be triumphant' sign.

"Oh, I'm not going to want to go in," I grinned sadistically. "I'm going to want to run."

As the door opened, I stuck my head in and looked up to the Princes that were my first targets. Vancha and Darren. My smile got wider.

"HEY VANCHA! DARREN!"

Everyone in the hall looked at me and I held up the bottle of whiskey.

"The Prince of the ale lost his bottle, dropped it on the ground. The amber liquid spilled to the floor and now he wears a frown." I started to sing in a drunken manner. Darren's face turned sour and I turned to Vancha. "You really shouldn't leave your mushrooms lying around Vancha. They give innocent minds like mine strange images." I giggled slightly and took off one of the mushrooms before smelling it deeply and sighing happily. "Have you been hanging out with R.V?" I got ready to leg it.

Ten … nine … eight … Vancha and Darren looked at each other … four … three … they jumped up … one. I turned and bolted with the two Princes gaining on me. I gave the bottle of whiskey to the guard so it didn't burden me, but the mushies I decided to keep.

Vancha was in front of Darren, as his precious mushrooms were on the line, quite literally.

"GET BACK HERE YOU RENEGADE!" Vancha yelled.

"I'm surprised you know the word, King of Dreams." I chortled and skipped around a group of vampires that were standing innocently in my path. Vancha took a less pacifistic approach and barrelled straight through them. I dodged as he lunged for me and took a sharp right hand turn. Up ahead, a certain blonde haired vampire was sulking after coming out of his daily meeting with several vampire Generals.

"HEY BLONDIE!" I yelled from my end of the corridor. Kurda looked up and frowned slightly, I took out one of his more recent maps and waved it in the air, clear of how short my time was. "Can I set this on fire?"

Kurda's face lit with anger and he ran at me. I turned left quickly and continued running. Now I had Vancha, Kurda and Darren after me. Oh this was great.

Further down the mountain, we passed through some sleeping quarters and I ducked into a room as my chasers raced past.

"Can I help you?" A familiar orange haired vampire asked.

I turned around grinning like a mad man and realized I'd just stumbled across my fourth victim. "Hey Larten, where'd your toupee go?"

Larten's face turned a bright red and I decided to push it further. I produced a small clipping of orange hair I'd gotten from another vampire and looked at it oddly. "Oh, found it."

Larten lunged for me but hit the door as I quickly ran outside. I looked to my right to see the first three victims trying to find out where I'd gone. "THERE SHE IS!" Kurda squealed and they started running shortly after I did, now accompanied by Larten.

I ran squealing with delight at my little game and veered into the hall of Sports. Vampires around the three halls looked at us oddly and I ran into the last one. Cornered. Or so they thought.

"Hey Vanez, I hear you lost one of your eyes eating a kebab. That must really suck."

The games master looked at my quizzically. "And you lost the other because one of your students bet you couldn't walk with no eyes."

His face turned sour and he advanced on me as well. Just one more down here and I could run again.

"ARRA WEARS FRILLY PINK UNDERWEAR AND SPIES ON LARTEN SHOWERING!"

And now I ran as a spear almost hit me in the side of the head. Her and Vancha were two of the easiest to get riled up, and two that wouldn't stop chasing so easily.

Now with six vampires chasing me, I took more drastically sharp turns and had to jump to avoid any of the vampires getting a hold of me.

Turning one corner, Arra managed to grab hold of my shirt and yanked backwards. Thankfully, the shirt I was wearing had a tear in it already and only the shirt followed her arm backwards.

"Snoopy?" She questioned on my bra as we ran.

"BETTER THAN FRILLS!" I cackled and turned another corner.

Vancha's mushrooms, Larten's pride, Arra's humility, Vanez's dignity, Kurda's map and Darren's singing secret and a snoopy bra…

What else can Gaz possibly do to annoy the vampires? Review and you'll find out.


End file.
